I have marked in bold letters the ones that I am either guilty of doing or find particularly accurate and insightful.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN THE SOUTH
- There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in The South
- There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in The South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
- If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites
- Onced and Twiced are words
- It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy
- People actually grow and eat okra
- 'Fixinto' is one word
- There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper
- Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.
- Backwards and forwards means 'I knoweverything about you.'
- *DJeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'
- *You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them
- You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see
- 'Fix' is a verb. Example: 'I'm fixing to go to the store.'
- You measure distance in minutes.
- You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day
- All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
- You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
- You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car
- There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabascoand ketchup
- The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports
- The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
- 100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.'
- We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas
- Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' Wal-martin' or off to 'Wally World.'
- A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather
- A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop. . . . it's a Coke, regardlessof brand or flavor. Example: 'What kinda coke you want?'
- Fried catfish is the other white meat
- We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we candrive
If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from the south (and those who just wish they were).
EVERYONE can't be from the south; it takes luck.